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Hi all,

Does anyone else struggle with their emotions being suppressed or have a spouse who is in the boat.

It's something I'm struggling with and the IC believes it's my brain picking that fight or flight so I can't just let it out, something which she believes is caused by my job.

It's exhausting me and must be what taking anti depressants feel like.... The Brain is saying there is a problem but the body just not reacting to it

I sometimes just have this overwhelming wave wash over me and feel a really good cry is all that is needed but just nothing other than the pain

I have this problem with anger the most but yes, I relate. I have been one to choose numbing, escapism, anything to avoid feelings other than cheerfulness and happiness.

Mine I believe stems mostly from growing up in a house with an angry mother. I used to hate how much she was angry and would see why logically she shouldn’t be about those things and therefore I logic myself away from those feelings. I also learned that it was easier to go along to get along so I got very good at hiding my feelings.

I used to not be able to cry either, and I would maybe do it once in a year or longer.

I still have some trouble with it.

However, what helped me is a meditation exercise. In which you breathe in deeply several times and try to move your energy from your head to your chest.(mind to heart). I would Google that, I just used videos online for it. And I try to remember to do it, I am not as consistent as I should be now a days with it. But I have less trouble crying and getting in touch with my feelings as I once did and I think that helped a lot.

I also try to be mindful and present, I lose that battle more than I win it, but that too has been a good coping mechanism when I am overwhelmed. When we are in the present moment and we remind ourselves that we are safe in it, it helps a lot.

Also you might want to check out things that help regulate your nervous system. I hum a lot (probably to the irritation of those around me) but I feel better when I do it. I do not like yoga, as mich as I want to like it, but a lot of people say it helps. Also this one is weird but rubbing the area just beneath where your clavicle meets your shoulder is supposed to help release pent in emotions. I have been doing that one lately. They say if you are doing it right it will make you feel like yawning. So far I have not observed benefits from it but things have been pretty calm so maybe that’s just me.

Brene brown wrote an encyclopedia of emotions that some people have found helpful to identify emotions in their body but I have not done that.

Oh, definitely, I would say I think most waywards have difficulty with suppressing emotion but it's probably more like most modern people, and waywards just picked a common particular maladaptive coping mechanism. But I think lots of people numb, avoid, bury their emotions, etc. For me there were several parts to becoming more emotionally alive. A really important part was being able to sit and experience uncomfortable emotions without running away, hiding, etc. The thing about uncomfortable emotions is that they pass. They don't stay strong for very long. And it's useful afterwards to check out the thoughts you had while you were experiencing them. I might think that my husband would dislike me forever, that we were doomed to stay together from duty but not because he liked me. When I was settled I could see that was not right, but when it was coupled with a feeling of overwhelming dread it seemed really true. So being able to experience the uncomfortable emotion is extremely important. There are lots of techniques to help with that, but mostly, it's just welcoming it. Whether it's at work or while driving or interacting with your spouse, to notice it and say to yourself, OK, here's my chance to practice. Another very important thing is developing an emotional vocabulary. I used to carry around an emotions wheel because my emotional vocabulary was so poor. I mostly just felt confused and dread. So I would get it out and look - dread is in the fear category. What was I afraid of? Was my fear reasonable? And so on. Brené Brown has a great book called Atlas of the Heart which goes more in depth about many emotions. But mostly it just takes practice to sit with them and name them. And realize that often our emotional mind is not rational, not logical, and we might need to check our thoughts with others or with our calmer self so we don't register those thoughts as facts.